BAPTIZED??? well figure this out soon enough

ok, so ages and ages and ages ago, you were a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints.
and over time, its become some kind of muddy waters for me to know if in fact you are still.

the other day you called, we talked, like normal, and out of the blue you announced you got baptized in some other faith.
i was shocked, disheartened actually.

it didnt make sense to me to be baptized in some other faith, simply because you enjoy attending there.

in fact, as i had mentioned on the phone, its pointless.

ppl with NO AUTHORITY, can baptize you, but the bapotism means nothing, other than a symbolic gesture for the truth we hold in our own faith.
now, dont get me wrong, sandy, i have no issue with you wanting to be a member of another faith, thats your every right.

but you know that the building you can attend, and should be attending, is...like 2 blocks away from you.

take mr miller there.
and  get with the bishop, and see if in fact you still have records in the church or not.
hell get you lined up with individuals for you to arrange rides, and ppl wo communicate with for food orders, heck, you might be able to get a bus ticket here when its time. that bishop can speak with mine and we can get things straight.

you keep saying you try to call, i keep telling you when to do it, and you keep not getting in touch with anyone..
its almost to me like your not actually doing it.

so, because i know you too well, and enough time has delayed and stalled and it shouldnt be this hard when that place is right there  at your house, i did something.

and you can hate me later.

maybe you wont. i dont know.

i know when you ask for a free Book of Mormon, missionaries come to your dooir to deliver it, missionaries in your area, and i sent them a note.
told them you needed to know if your a member or not, to get you hooked up with the Bishop, and to have you get with the Relief Society President (or her counselors) also told them if you wernt a meber, to go a head and teach you, but to leave the baptism to my area, because youd be here in 8 months, and have to go through the entire thing again, because i want to be there when your baptized..because i want to KNOW FOR SURE that you do and are a member of the church, pkus, id prolly be asked to give a talk, or sing to you, or something.

so...i expect a call soon, about you telling me the missionaries went to your door, and inquired about you.

no turning back now.
i can do more than that, i can actually get in touch with the bishop, if i want to (and i may) but i want YOU to take control of YOUR life..if YOU want it, YOU have to reach for it.

im not sure how the church will respond to the fact your a single/married woman living in a single/widowers home (all be it in the basement) your still..."together". and THAT may be an issue.
church has ossues with that, so THAT may prevent you from actually being able to get baptized anyway..

which, will be good for me and MY quest with you.

if you cant get dunked there, maybe when you come here youll be able too. thats my hope anyway.

as a side note, tied to this thing, missionaries in my ward asked me to do a ward mission family plan, asked me to share the gosple with someone i know..and..i told them i had a BoM sent to YOUR house in NC..
and got that checked off my list as a member here in OK.

no one said you cant share long distance.

CHILD SUPPORT?!?!?

so you called me today, you call me allot lately..and sometimes more than once a day..

and one of the 1st things you told me was your having to pay child support..40.00 but still. for somneone who isnt making that money thats allot to have to pay ALONG WITH thr 40 you also have to pay to pay that restitution down.

so we talked, and i kept tryiung to reinforce the fact that  you SHOULNDT HAVE to pay child support if you sign your rights over and hes adopted.

but you went on to tell me that there in NC the parents of a child who has been adopted out is still required to pay..which i found hard to believe, and i decided to look inline, since most of my life is in front of my PC anyway...i looked up , well googled, is more accurate, NC ADOPTION CHILD SUPPORT
and natually found everything but what i was seeking, except..something about ADOPTION ASSTANCE PAYMENTS..

when if i ook at just the words it makes me think thats what your talking about, which i dont believe is the same as a child support while your no longer legally, not obligated  by law to  pay the child anything.

not allot out there on this, but i did find this.

adoption assistance programs are designed to help parents meet their adopted children’s varied, and often costly, needs. Children can qualify for federal adoption assistance or state assistance, depending on the child’s history. Adoption subsidy policies and practices are, for the most part, dependent on the state in which the child was in foster care before the adoption.

which doesnt explain why youd have to pay child support IF you decided to give mikey up.

i tried my hardest to convince you, without seeming too pushy, im sure to you it was a hard oush, and im sure what i said hurt.

but if your not going to persue him, to get custody of him, i dodnt see the need to keep him in foster care, let them adopt him, why keep him in limbo and unsettled? it just doesnt make sense to me.

it feels like a way for you to delay, or stall, way in adance, the opportunity to come here..

which i also tapped a bit on and made sure you understood, i wasnt going to wate my time and money to come there to hear you tell me on the last day, that you had a court date scheduled for a month later.
so i made sure you understood, you had to make up your mind on this matter.

if you intended to try for custody of mikey, then you needed to clear that up, do what you needed to do and get it doen, how ever long that was gonna take.
but if you wernt, then the option is to adopt him out, ask for an open one. and allow for that to pass and  be done with..

but to me, because i know you..it felt like a way to stall, and then say your having to deal with this and that and the other too...

its a fine mess, that what i can say..
mark, mikeys bio dad isnt even in the picture, and they cant find him to ask him if hed be ok with anything, so that makes it harder.
you married to tommy, who by most legla standards is legally, even if not biologically, mikeys dad...(in most states) until the divorce, which your ALSO trying to get and take care of as well..

and now, on top of everything, if you do not oay that 40.00 a month for mikey, youll have to go to jail/prison, and wed hope it wasnt during this probationary period, because that would cause you to have to serve the rest of the time in..prison.

8 months, sandy...most of this needs to be situated and taken care of and dealt with in 8 months, or between now and then, preferable as soon as possible, youd tell me its gonna be longer. so i can move on with MY life..

in the end of it all it really does come down to what is the best..the BEST for..mikey..
not for you, not for me, not for anyone else, but what is best for him?

if your forced to pay child support, they will gauge that on your income, so are you going to live beneath your means for the rest of your life until mikey hits 18? to avoid having to pay  child support? you wont be able to if you live anywhere that that social security card can be traced..

if you give him up..will you STILL have to pay child support? i doubt it, seriously.

you know you wont have to pay if you keep him, but thats gonna take allot to do, and im not sure your the best one to handle him... he wasnt thriving like he should have been with you, if they noticed with the foster family, he was doing better.

choices, choices, options, and  life...which road to take? what to do?
everything has to be considered..all of it, every single angle to this entire issue..has to be examined by yourself, and decided upon.
because YOU have to be ok with the results..ALL OF THEM!

i love you...i always will...thats never gonna change...
but make the right choice, for mikey.

pray about it, and then wait, for an answer...
and then do what God says to do, even if it hurts you...He knows whats best.

nearly 8 months to go till your able to move here

you and i talk, multiple times daily..youd think id be sick of it, but i am not.

i never ever have been.

i miss you so much, it hurts me inside.. i literally ache for your presence.
and i cant understand why, other than because i love you so very much. always have.

sandy, you have been one of the ppl who has effected me in so many more ways than i can count, only a few ppl hold that honor. most of them, are blood related, like daniel, my mother, my grandmother, and some church leaders i had that helped me when i was a youth..

and then, theres you.

why do i hold you so high?
because you helped me laugh. you continie to do so.
my youth and young womanhood was shaped around you.
my memories are flooded...with you.

8 months, seem s like such a long ay down the road to me,
it literally feels like a clock thats ticking, and each one echoes...tick, tick, tick...
how many ticks do we have to have before your able to come be with me?

i worry that time will pass us, and one of us will die (mainly me, i think ill leave before you do)
and well miss these last years together, growing old. and we promised wed grow old ..together.

i think every day, i want to drop my life here, and just run to NC and be there till your free...
but financially, i cant. i could buy a ticket, then just show up at the door, i know where you are...i have the address...and to be honest, i think that would be a fun thing to do, to just appear there on the porch, and be standing there.

and i know what id do...
id start to cry.
cause im an emotioanl person.always have been, but as i get older, the things of my youth seem so unimportant. and the things of my "right here and right now" seem so much more relevant to me. and i desire them SO MUCH more!

waiting 8 months may be the thing that kills me, because its driing me insane daily as it is.
but i know, well be together, and in 8 months this time will have semmed like a minute ago.
so, for us both, more for me i guess, ill be patient. and wait. i dont want to, i want 8 months to be here right now! but, reality is, it isnt. its 8 months away (and 5 days)

i have so much to show you, so much to share.

i love you so very much sandy!